“fake plastic love”

My life is hard.

Well, perhaps irritating is the more appropriate term.  I’ve had a toothache for a few days, and decided to get it checked out this afternoon. But when I went to get my car and drive it to the dentist, it wasn’t where I had parked it before leaving for Boston. Apparently the city of Denver had decided to repave that particular street while I was away and Cleo was in the way, so they towed her. Being the city of Denver, they thoughtfully decorated her windshield with two parking tickets. For $50 each. So adding parking ticket cranky to toothache cranky, I left for the dentist.

Turns out, I need a crown. And not the princess kind. The shave-down-your-tooth-and put-a-thing-over-it, $800 dental procedure kind. This is not good news, considering I don’t exactly have dental insurance. At all.

Of course, things are never as bad as I think they are – thanks to a very practical and patient Dan, I found dental insurance online which is available immediately, affordable, and takes a significant chunk out of the overall bill. I also wrote a polite but firm letter to the city of Denver Parking Violations Bureau, explaining that they can’t just create tow-away zones wherever they like and assume that I can telepathically know about them and move my car using the power of my mind. So there.

Enough about me. I have been dying to post a link to this editorial by my friends at the Colorado Springs Gazette for days. It originally ran last Sunday. There is so much here, I don’t know where to begin. From the opening line:

Texas officials need to drop their crusade against the Yearning For Zion Ranch, a polygamist compound, unless they can lawfully produce a legitimate victim of a serious crime.

Hmm…a serious crime? As opposed to a “silly” one, like statutory rape? The next logical step in this argument, of course, is to place the blame for child abuse by religious extremists at the feet of Planned Parenthood and gays. Stay with me here:

And they most certainly should raid every Planned Parenthood outfit and other abortion businesses that routinely sell abortions to young pregnant teens.

I know I am stating the obvious here, but PP is NOT in the business of impregnating young women by men old enough to be their grandfathers. That’s the father of FLDS leader Warren Jeffs, with two of his dozen  wives. The girls are sisters.

Do young, pregnant teens obtain abortions at PP clinics? Of course. Young teens should not be mothers and most certainly should not be knocked up by creepy old men, so if they need to terminate an unwanted or unhealthy pregnancy, PP provides them with a medically safe and confidential place to have one. I would argue that there is nothing medically safe (physically or mentally) about the situation those two girls were forced into.

Meanwhile…

And who cares about polygamy laws? They should carry no more weight than laws against homosexual marriage. Eighteen states, including Texas, have statues or constitutional bans against homosexual marriage and they’re almost never enforced. Imagine cops smashing down the doors of a Texas home to arrest two women living in marital bliss.

Let’s unpack this one, shall we? Polygamy – in this case, of course, we are speaking of pedophilia as well, but it seems the Gazette has chosen to conveniently ignore that – is the same as homosexual marriage. Really? Old dude with his dozen wives is comparable to “two women living in marital bliss”? To say nothing of the fact that cops can and do smash down doors to arrest homosexuals. Does Lawrence v Texas ring a bell? Probably not, since the Gazette is less concerned with backing up their opinions with things like “research” or “facts.”

To help them save column space in future editions, I have created a handy shortened version of this editorial:

“The crazy, child raping polygamists of FDLS didn’t really commit a crime by breaking laws against polygamy and raping children! Because they have the right to do it – this is America!

Gay sex! Abortion! See? Aren’t you more worried about those things that a couple of harmless child raping polygamists? Us too!”

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