I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather for a while now. Not any specific illness, mind you. Just a little lethargic, a little sniffley, occasionally nauseated, a headache every so often…
Some of this is probably psychosomatic – frustrations with my job finding no outlet but the physical. But I have to admit that some of it is my own damn fault as well. So despite my New Year’s Resolution to continue smoking all year, I am taking a break.
For…a while. I haven’t settled on a time span yet. On the one hand, I am afraid to commit to something and then fail. On the other hand, if this is easier than I think it will be, I don’t want to make it two weeks or a month or whatever and then start smoking and drinking because I can.
Here’s a quick recap:
Day 1, Friday: So I’d already committed to organizing Beauchamp’s goodbye party Friday night, as he is leaving for Pittsburgh Sunday. No cigarettes all day, and dinner was fine (we had root beer floats and milkshakes instead of booze) until my old roommate showed up and started loudly and excessively congratulating me for quitting cigarettes. The trick to quitting, see, is not thinking about it…but after that interaction I couldn’t stop thinking about it and was cranky at her all night.
Post-dinner trip to my favorite bar was harder. I didn’t have any alcohol to make me forget I was tired or prevent me from realizing that my friends are super obnoxious. (When they’re drunk. Not all the time.)
I also realized the thing I am going to miss most about smoking – it provides a 10 minute escape window, for when things get annoying, boring, or so interesting that you need to slip out with just one or two people and compare notes. Not being a smoker, you miss out on the entire subtext of hanging out in a bar.
Day 2, Saturday: Grand F-ing Opening of Kilgore Books and Comics! After I ran around picking up balloons, champagne, snacks, etc. Dan informed me that even people in AA get to have “days on,” like holidays. I chose to believe this, and drank champagne all day. Not a ton of champagne. More like a champagne drip IV. I also smoked one cigarette – a Marlboro Red, which was a smart move. Not being one of my beloved Parliaments, I pretended it tasted like chemicals and ass because it was a Marlboro.
Post bookstore, we went to dinner for Hammer’s birthday. I was sleepy and dehydrated by this point and all I could think about was going home to go to bed.
Day 3, Today: I got up early, un-hung-overed, and got to have breakfast and hang out with Dan before work. Usually he slips out and I sleep an hour or so longer. The only time I have really, really wanted a smoke so far today was when I drove 15 minutes across town in repulsive traffic to a yarn store that doesn’t open until 2 p.m. Disregarding the fact that their business plan must have been written by a seventeen year old stoner, there’s really nothing else in that neighborhood to keep me entertained for 2 hours. So I went to Target instead.
Anyway, I can’t say that I feel fantastically better yet. But I was kind of worried that my friends would see me not smoking or drinking and assume I was knocked up, so I’m officially announcing my not-knocked-up state here.