“nobody likes a quitter”

Signed David Sedaris!Before we begin, I have to plug David Sedaris’ new book When you are Engulfed in Flames. It’s hilarious, as you’d expect. He visited Denver this weekend, showed up an hour and a half early for his reading to begin signing books and read to us from his diary. He recently quit smoking, so when he signed our books, he chatted with Dan and I about how we should continue smoking because it makes him feel superior.

And now back to your regularly scheduled blog.

So I have learned many useful things from Men’s Health magazine in my life. One of those things is that ReserveAmerica is totally sexist. I received a year’s subscription from them as a thank you gift after reserving a campsite last year. I know I wrote about this on my old blog, so I’ll stay off the soapbox for the time being, but I do think it’s a ridiculous, ridiculous assumption that people who camp must be concerned with men’s sexual health and fitness.

In any case, I do flip through the issues before I bring them to Dan’s house for his roommates to enjoy. This month, I learned of a new study that spending two or more hours a day on a cell phone lowers men’s sperm counts by about 30%. And keeping the phone in your pants pocket may exacerbate this by exposing your sperm-producing equipment to harmful rays.

I can not wait for Focus on the Family to get wind of this. I’m looking for Life Chain http://www.nationallifechain.org/ events outside of Verizon and Apple stores. I want little kids shouting “Daddy, Daddy, don’t kill me!” at dudes walking down the street talking on cell phones. I want my members of Congress introducing legislation to prevent men from having more than two hours a day of cell phone access – because “A person’s a person, no matter how small” right?

And pigs will fly out my ass.

I know this isn’t going to happen, mostly because men’s procreation isn’t up for federal regulation the way women’s is. Sigh. But maybe cell phone companies can start marketing themselves as birth control devices for men and take the pressure off women to do all the birth control work.

Also, severe thunderstorm warnings in Denver right now. The sky is overcast and the clouds look all bloated with potential thunderstorm. I’m hoping for hail. I love living in a place with weather.


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