“Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.”

Sometimes I am convinced that I am secretly fluent in some Slavic language. When I am typing really quickly, I will often produce words like “Thksjn” when I mean “Thanks.” It’s true that I am not an accomplished typist, but I feel like there’s some message there that I can’t decipher.

Beyond that, I have decided to go car free. Hallelujah! I live walking distance from work and I drive my car every two weeks at the most. Mostly, Cleo just collects parking tickets in between occasional trips to Target.

This Sunday, I packed up all my laundry to walk up to Dan’s house and use his washing machine (Thanks, guys!) and I saw a little note under my windshield. Along with a parking ticket (see?!) I had received an Abandoned Vehicle Notice from the Denver Sheriff. Turns out, it is illegal to park one’s car on a city street for more that 72 hours. For the record, I have lived in Denver for more than 2 ½ years, and this is the first I have heard of this law. But I was given a 72 hour notice that my car was going to be impounded if I did not move it at least 100 yards.

I wish I was joking.

So imagine you don’t drive because you want to save money, or care about the environment or don’t want to pay $10 a day to park in downtown Denver. All of these things are true in my case. Apparently, I need to find time between working many hours and attempting to have a social life to take a little joyride around the neighborhood three times a week.

I also feel compelled to mention that parking is next to impossible in my neighborhood. Think lots and lots of apartments and condos where one in ten offer off-street parking. Think three blocks from the State Capitol and other city/state buildings. Are you getting the picture? I’ve driven around for 45 minutes looking for a spot, so when I find one right across the street from my apartment, there’s no fucking way I am going to give it up in three days just because the Sheriff feels twitchy. Fuck you, Sheriff.

Don’t even get me started on the myth of street sweeping in Denver. The first week of each month in the summer, different streets become off limits for parking on various days, because the city plans to sweep them. I have received hundreds of dollars in tickets for parking on the wrong side of the street, not realizing it’s the first until I’ve already arrived at work, etc. I have never once seen a street sweeping vehicle in my neighborhood. I haven’t even seen a dude with a broom. Just city employees, out dispensing parking tickets.

So, this is my big fuck you to the city of Denver and their completely ludicrous parking/street sweeping policies.

I will get over my fear/hatred of public transportation if that’s what it takes. I will sell the car that has been with me for 26% of my life. If that is what it takes to stop sending my hard earned money for you to wipe your ass with — I will do it.

If you could please respond in kind by actually sweeping the streets when you claim you’re going to and perhaps plowing them (yes, even the side streets. People live on those, too) in the winter, that would be great.

Meanwhile, if anyone who reads this knows someone in the Denver area who’s in the market for a slightly beat-up but altogether charming Toyota Camry, give them my number.


One thought on ““Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.”

  1. Total bullshit. Patterns like this make me want to flip tables over and throw bricks, if only to commit acts equally counterproductive and counterintuitive.

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