“what do you do, with the leftover you?”

i miss my cat. or, the story of how i came to be sitting on my friend’s couch at 1146 p.m. instead of sleeping in my apartment.

someone broke into my apartment on saturday night. they removed the screen from my living room window and came in and took my laptop. i was not home when this happened. to be honest, there is a good chance i was making out in a hallway when this happened, which i guess is what most of us would rather be doing than witnessing a break in.

i am now convinced this was their second attempt to break into my apartment. i think it was wednesday night that was windy and freezy and disgusting out, and i was sleeping, and my bedroom window suddenly opened. this woke me up right away because suddenly the windy and freezy was in my bedroom.

half asleep, i jump out of bed and close and latch the window, assuming a very strong wind had blown it open. but on saturday morning i looked out the window and realized that the very strong wind had also removed my window screen…and propped it against the side of my building?

but it’s amazing how niave a girl can be.  i thought nothing of it. on saturday i left my house at 830 p.m. went to a friend’s house and came home at 2 a.m. and my living room window was open. and i thought fucking a, it’s been really windy lately. closed the window, went to bed.

i slept in on sunday morning and when i got up i had some toast and decided it was a good day to play loud music and clean my apartment. i don’t have a stereo, so i was going to play music on my laptop, except it was not on the table where i had left it. it wasn’t anywhere in my apartment. it was at that point i noticed black smudgy fingerprints on the wall next to the window. yeah, the one that had been open when i got home. and dirt on the couch under the window. oh and the window screen was pulled off that window, too.

so i did call the police at that point. and they came over and confirmed that my apartment had been broken into (thanks!) and my laptop was indeed stolen (for the validation!). i also called my landlord, who has no intention of putting bars on the windows of my garden level apartment. he does want to meet with me on wednesday, in person, to discuss thevirtues of venitian blinds. fucking amazing.

anyway, so i mentioned this dirt, right? burglar dirt? on my couch? so this evening i was very, very brave and went home after work. but when i started to put clean sheets on my bed i found more burglar dirt. on my quilt. this means that my burgling friend spent some time in my bedroom, because the quilt was definitely on my bed. at that point i decided i was done with the brave and came here to kelly’s. she has two dogs, the larger of which is sitting next to me on the couch right now.

things i did before leaving the house saturday night when someone was possibly watching me and waiting for me to leave my apartment:

– watched the l word.

– peed with the bathroom door open.

– walked around in my bra and jeans.

– put on and removed three shirts.

– danced to regina spektor in the living room.

i hope you enjoyed the show. fucker.


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