i saved america!

By which I mean I saw Bridesmaids.

I wanted to skip it. Everyone was making such a big deal about it. Lady movie! About funny ladies! Go see the funny lady movie or there will never be another movie about ladies ever again!

So on the one hand, I hate the idea that a movie about women is such a rare commodity that we should all be obligated to see it twice. I kind of wanted to avoid it on principle. Besides, when has a movie (especially a comedy) ever lived up to the hype surrounding it?

But I avoid most movies on principle. And everyone I knew who saw it recommended it. And it has been about 10 years since I was actually in the target demographic for a movie.

So here we are. It took me three actual attempts because the movie was sold out entirely on Friday night and most of Saturday afternoon, too. This is a good sign, right? At the very least, it made me want it more.

Anyway, I laughed some, I guess. I learned that I still don’t  get poop jokes. And I really, really wished that the plot of the movie could have centered around something, anything other than a wedding. Because, dude, really? I know weddings are a big deal and super stressful and all, but really?

It’s like, yes, we get to have this funny movie starring funny ladies or whatever, but only if they’re being funny in the confines of things we’re comfortable with them doing. I don’t like it.

Oh, and they can only be in it if they are nice to look at. You know, skinny and pretty. If they’re not, we have to make a great many jokes about how socially unacceptable their appearance is. And they have to be weird or quirky or something to justify their otherwise socially unacceptable presence on-screen. Imagine a world where a fat woman gets to be just a regular character in a film. Wouldn’t that be cool?

And can we just take a moment for Kristen Wiig’s outfits throughout the entire film? I know her character is supposed to be a punchline and all, but maybe you can be funny and maintain a little bit of dignity? And by “dignity” in this case, I mean clothes that cover your vagina.

So if we’re accepting the lowest common denominator of movies about ladies, we’ve got it. Which is…nice. If that’s what we’re looking for. Maybe the path to quality cinema is paved with poop jokes and fat jokes and submitting to the worst of the worst stereotypes about ourselves in order to convince the male-dominated film industry to give us some screen time. So I saw Bridesmaids last weekend. And it was pretty fucking depressing.

You’re welcome, America.

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