How to piss off your vegan roommate

Sometimes in life, you have to rise above. Be the bigger person. Suck it up.

And sometimes, you get to complain to your little blog. This is one if those times.

Okay. First, roast a whole chicken. Be sure to use both roasting pans belonging to the vegan. Also, make sure to leave the carcass out for a few hours after you’ve eaten and put the rest of the food away. Bonus points if a few grisly bits are stuck to the counter and/or sink more than 24 hours later. Be creative.

Second, treat the vegan items in the kitchen as communal, but when you use up the last of the organic vegan sugar, replace it with a box of Domino. Also, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter is probably the same as Earth Balance.

Act judgy when your vegan roommate suggests buying sea salt. Say things like “salt is salt” and “do we need that?” Once the sea salt arrives in the house, cook with that exclusively.

Make sure to leave food residue around wherever possible. It’s good if some of your protein shake is clinging to the blender, because your vegan roommate probably doesn’t get enough protein anyway.

Keeping your vegan roommate on her toes is easy with these simple tips. Good luck!

The inspiration for this list actually came from a series of posts on the VSDC Meet up message board. Basically, there’s a heated debate over whether a pescatarian should be included in veg speed dating. (This is why I don’t like dating vegans.) (Also pescatarians are not a thing. You just feel guilty for not being an actual vegetarian.) Anyway, I was reading these posts earlier and thinking about how harmoniously I have dated and lived with omnis…and then I got home.

Feel free to leave roommate pet peeves in the comments. Misery loves company.

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