The Universe is a Mysterious Place

So I recently had the pleasure of turning 30. For the most part, this was significantly less traumatic than I expected. There are only two significant things I would change about my life. #1: I would like to have my awesome job and sweet apartment magically transported to Oakland. #2: I would like to end online dating forevermore. For those who have not had the pleasure of online dating, I would like to share the following conversation.

Friend: yeah. I feel like it is an unspoken rule that you are totally free to not email someone back
me: yeah, before you have met in person, there is totally an opt-out clause
no explanation required
and if you meet once and it’s terrible, you can just stop emailing
Friend: yeah
no hard feelings
I also would like to mention that this man’s screen name is didugrabmybutt
me: class. act.
Friend: and he is super white and bald
so he really looks like a serial killer
me: you better snap him up before someone else does
Friend: i can’t believe he is single!
me: the universe is a mysterious place
Sent at 11:34 PM on Monday

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